Being ourselves while moving forward together
ove is essential and basic to every human being. We are born with an innate need to be loved and then extend that love to others. We want to be known in this world by another, and we want to make others feel known in the process. We spend a lifetime learning to love and attempting to love those around us.
A wedding is a great example of this love. It is a time to gather together to publicly proclaim a couple’s love for one another, watch them commit their lives to loving each other, and witness the magic of two becoming one. It is also a time for a couple to love and honor their friends and family, creating a space for them to celebrate and partake in the joy of their sacred union and invite them into this next season of their lives.
It’s not surprising that a wedding is a lot of work. There is a lot that goes into not only planning the big day, but there is also a great deal that goes into blending two lives into one. In the process of both, the couple must take into consideration the expectations and traditions of not only one another, but also of friends and family. A wedding is one of the first ways to combine the interest of two individuals and make something new, together.
Many decisions have to be made during this season. But in the process of wanting to please the people around us — in the process of feeling the tension between choosing our wants versus the wants of others — it can become easy to feel that a compromise is the only option in order to achieve togetherness. For some, it may feel like they must lose their sense of self in order to achieve this new connectedness of marriage.
In Erich Fromm’s book The Art of Loving, Fromm says, “In love the paradox occurs that two beings become one and yet remain two.” In the process of planning a wedding day and preparing for marriage, it can be easy to lose ourselves in the larger-than-life feeling that is often accompanied with love. We can also easily lose ourselves in the wants and needs of those that surround us, too.
A wedding is a perfect depiction of uniqueness in the midst of togetherness.
But in order for us to truly form this connectedness and tap into a mature love with our spouse, a sense of personal identity is necessary. We do not have to lose ourselves in another in order to experience true love. These two can become one without losing their individual uniqueness.
A wedding is a perfect depiction of uniqueness in the midst of togetherness. A couple does not have to deny who they are in order to bind in this union. As a couple moves forward and grows together, the best gift they can give to one another is to simply be themselves while discovering who they are as one.